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THE SH&T HAS HIT THE FAN

Bigger and Bigger and Always Black

I’m married to a BIG black man. Some might say he is larger than life. His ear-to-ear smile brightens every room. His BIG laugh is hilarious and makes others break into chuckles even if they didn’t hear the joke. His BIG shoulders (although very annoying on an airplane) have held many, many heads. And his…

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Everything Is Not Okay

“Just breathe. You’re okay.” No, I’m not okay. No, everything is not fine. And fuck you, it is not all just in my head. The pain in my chest, that is real. The dizziness and nausea, those are real. The vomit in the toilet, that’s real. The numbness of my lips and the sweat on…

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How to Listen to Yourself During Stressful Times

Listening to ourselves can be harder than it sounds. When we’re having a rough time, we want support from someone who will hear us out, validate our feelings, and offer empathy, perspective, or assistance. We want someone who’s available for us. Yet finding that availability within ourselves, for ourselves, can be elusive. Often, what we…

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The Dangerous Failure of 13 Reasons Why

I was 18 years old, finishing my first trimester in college. I’d been up late the night before, preparing for finals. The phone interrupted my sleep at 8:00 on a Tuesday morning.   “Hello?” I croakily whispered into the phone, trying not to wake my roommate. She was sleeping with a pillow over her head…

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The Small, Vital, Necessity of Using Your Blinkers

While driving the mean streets of the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ve taken to religiously, nay, even aggressively, using my turn signal; and when I see another driver doing the same, find myself at times crying out, “You, Sir or Madam, are a good human!” A friend of mine once said that society is kept…

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The Gifts of Disillusion

None of us can know when the rapid and forceful shifts of disillusion will enter our life. Many in our country are going through a sudden disillusionment since the election, realizing troubling realities. As a couple’s therapist I witness the disillusionment of a newly broken heart, sitting with a couple as one turns to the other…

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EMDR and the Hero’s Journey, Part 3

Click here to view Part 1 of this series. Click here to view Part 2 of this series.   Once dismissed as a fringe, new age-y therapy, EMDR therapy is now more likely to be described using phrases like cutting edge and essential in the treatment of trauma-related disorders. Since 2010, EMDR therapy has appeared…

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The Best Way to Remember Carrie Fisher, George Michael and our other lost heroes.

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/300147700″ params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /] I don’t know about you, but 2016 has taken way too many of my heroes. I’m pretty pissed that I’m supposed to survive without George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Bowie, Cohen, Prince.  Losing these lives who symbolized my youth shook me with the too sudden awareness of my mortality…

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EMDR Therapy and the Hero’s Journey, Part 1

There are moments in life when we truly feel like the hero of our own story; a moment that captures our essence; a moment that allows us to stand center stage and bask in adulation; a moment that feels simply “perfect.” And then, there are all those other moments, hours, days, months and even years…

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Ask for Help!

On this, the eve of the most horrifying presidential election in my lifetime, I would like to take this opportunity to admit that I cheated my way through my Civics class in High School. I took those classes by “correspondence.” In that age this meant you received a textbook in the mail, and you mailed…

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Making Room for Anger

Jamie* tells me how her spouse is working late all week again. She’ll have to handle back to school night on her own at two different schools for the third year in a row, and she’s worried about not being able to get to all the teachers she needs to see. I ask her if…

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